Post by LIAM JAMES MADDOX on May 27, 2014 0:21:58 GMT
Drink after drink after drink.
Why he was drinking so excessively, he wasn't sure. Liam enjoyed a drink, but he had never been a man that drunk...well, this much. But his mind wouldn't stop again. He was used to the gears in his mind constantly turning, keeping him from sleep because they wouldn't stop but this was different. It was like trying to solves a puzzle without knowing for sure what the pieces were, how to fit them together or what the outcome was to look like and it was maddening. But alcohol seemed to help.
He seemed to have consumed so much alcohol that he felt like the world suddenly became so much more unstable. Or perhaps, it just revealed to him just how unstable the world really was. Ever since his visit to Daniel, he was sure all his suppressed emotions were bubbling under the surface. Waiting for their chance to arise. As he stood unsteadily up from the seat in the bar, he paid more than enough for the drinks he had and left the building. Walking fairly good for a man who had had more than 'just a few' drinks. But, this was Liam Redferne after all.
“But you know what you’ve always been lacking in? Heart."
His brother's words echoed through his mind, making him lose his step a little.
“You’re a fuckin’ cold, selfish bastard Lee. Yeah, maybe you 'aven’t always been selfish but you’ve always been cold and uncarin'. You 'aven’t even asked how I’ve been. You’ve never showed some heart to anyone. Even to El. Not until she had slit her wrists and bled out onto her bed.”
The words wouldn't stop fucking with his mind as he stumbled home.
"With all that had happened then El dyin' and me bein’ imprisoned? I was scared that without us- without someone in your life to remind you to keep that heart of yours in use and for you to care about, you’d become him.”
No. He stopped for a moment to just stand on the street, rub his temples and take deep, calming breaths.
He had heart. He did care...he did. He did. Or, at least, he was trying to care more. Show more heart. He wouldn't have taken Delilah in when Hunt had asked him to take in his niece if he hadn't. Surely, that showed heart? Or something along those lines. And thinking of Delilah...her well-being mattered to him. She managed to even make him smile now. Once even laugh. Even thinking of her he had fond thoughts.
Click.
Just like that, he realized he was starting to care about her...no, he already cared about her. For such an intelligent man, one would think he would've clocked onto something so obvious before. He cared about her. If his mind was a whirl before, it was going into a complete frenzy now. Liam ran a frustrated hand through his hair and continued on his way to his apartment as he tried to make sense of what was happening. What thoughts were now forming after this sudden realization. What emotions were forming.
When he was finally home, still unable to calm his mind that was trying to work out everything and anything and was fucking annoying him because it wouldn't turn off, he staggered in through his door. Letting the wind blow the door shut with a bang and chucking his keys on the side table he went straight to the kitchen. Another glass of wine to take the edge off. Maybe, if he drank enough he'd finally lose all his senses and his mind will quieten. He would no longer have to think about the past that haunted him and the present that currently confused him.
Yes, another glass. He pulled out one of his many bottles of wine, not currently caring about which it was even though usually he was very specific about the taste. Then, took out a glass, poured the wine into it. He didn't care about closing or sealing anything. He needed his mind to stop. He needed to drink.